I will never forget that particular morning in December 2000 at the office of my first gynae. After experiencing very irregular periods, spotting, unexplained weight gain, acne on my face and moodiness for a few months, I just knew there was something really wrong with me. That prompted me to drag my feet to the gynae’s office. After a scan of my ovaries, Dr Fan told me that I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS in short. When I heard that diagnosis, I was really stunned and horrified. What the heck is that disease? Dr Fan then gave a brief explanation of this disorder and drew out a step by step treatment plan. Wah, wah, wah, wait a minute, what is this laser treatment to ‘drill’ holes in my ovaries and did you just say PCOS will cause infertility? You are saying I can’t conceive? I just couldn’t absorb so much info in a mere 20 mins or so in the clinic. So I went home in a daze and for the next few days, weeks, months and 2 years or so, there I was, surfing the net to study my ‘disease’ and how I can treat it. Dr Fan told me that there is no cure to the disorder but the symptoms can be treated. The symptoms are unexplained weight gain, obesity, acne, hirtuism (excessive hair) and also loss of hair, irregular periods, insulin resistant, infertility, among others. PCOS is actually a hormonal imbalance disorder.
Long sob story cut short and fast forward a bit ok…… in summary this is what I had gone through :
Consulted 6 gynaes in 3 years.
Took 3 cycles of Clomid only to suffer 1 miscarriage which was the saddest day in my life.
Went thru Hysterosalpingogram or HSG which was by far the most painful procedure in my life.
Went thru Ovarian Drilling keyhole surgery so that my ‘eggs can be released from my ovaries’ .
Went thru years of emotional roller coaster, tears, fears, worries and pain.
Had uncountable number of trips to my gynaes’ office.
Burnt a big hole in my pocket for treatments and sustaining both pregnancies.
Went thru 1 cycle of Intrauterine (IUI) fertility treatment.
Went thru an extremely difficult and high risk pregnancy when carrying Alycia. Was on semi bed-rest for 5 months when carrying Alycia as I had symptoms of pre-term labour. Had spotting and threatened miscarriage when carrying Alycia and Sherilyn.
Never had so many jabs in my entire life before. I had more than 50 jabs in a period of less than 3 years.
Whenever my gals made me feel like giving up being a SAHM, I would sit back and think what I had gone thru to have them. When my gynaes told me that it wasn’t only me with problems but DH also had very poor little swimmers, I had almost given up hope of ever having my own babies. It was really double whammy. Even on the day of my IUI, my gynae had put on a ‘no hope’ look on his face and told me that DH had very poor little swimmers, i.e. only 3% was good. But God really does answer prayers you know, not only 1 miracle happened to me, but 3 in a span of less than 5 years.
Everytime when I think back on how much I had wanted Alycia, how anxious and worried I was for 10 months, the sleepless nites I had before each consultation with my gynae, I would hug Alycia tightly and tell her that she’s mummy’s little ‘precious baby’, the term gynaes use to describe hard-to-get babies.
Each time Alycia made me mad and boiling with anger, I’d think back what I’d gone thru just to have her and my anger slowly dissipates, like I had just gotten an antidote shot in my arm. The day I gave birth to Alycia was the happiest day of my life which no word can describe.
So to all mommies out there, every baby is indeed a miracle and a gift from God. Ain’t we just so lucky to have our own kids? Love and appreciate them more coz there are many women out there who are desperate and would do anything, just anything just so to have a baby of their own. Go give your lil’ ones a big hug tonite and say “mommy loves you very much” and thank God for them.
